I have a Confession!
I have been falling back into my old ways...Candy, Cookies, Cake. Just a little here, just a little there..."oh I deserve a desert today, I ate my veggies", I haven't gained any weight thank goodness, however, even with two different kinds of medications going into me, my blood sugars have stayed at 200 - 350..... this is bad.
High blood sugar causes mood swings, brain fog, more achs and pains, not to mention having to pea all the time and I'm so thirsty all night... And yes I do know the long term concequenses; heart problems, kidney problems, loss of limbs, blindness, PAIN,PAIN, Pain, pain.......Well, things got really bad for me yesterday,
I haven't been exorcising (giving into the pain in my foot and back).
Yesterday, I watched Conference, was feeling tired and wanted to take a nap, but we hadn't had lunch and Jimmy wanted hot dogs with chili. I really didn't want to do anything, but I want in and tried... I put the hot dogs on the pan to cook and promptly burned my fingers (not bothering to use a fork), then I looked for a can of chili, and after dropping cans out of the cupboard on my feet Ouch! I finally found one can which was bent.
After several complete tries around the can with the can opener, I couldn't get it open..my dogs were burning, and I still had to grade the cheese! crap! I got so mad... I became un rashional and started beating on the can, and prying on it with a bottle opener. I still couldn't get it open. I stopped, looked at the bent up deformed can with chili juice oozing out of the holes I had stabbed in it. I cried and ground my teeth I was so mad. Then I put it in a bag and threw it away. Jimmy came in and found another can and had no problem opening it and fixed the hot dogs.
I was embarrassed, dizzy, hurting, and exhausted, I just couldn't think straight and not hungry... I just craved a chocolate bar. I resisted the temptation.
I laied down and listened as our Prophet and the General Authorities spoke of love and caring for each other and turning to the Lord for guidance.
That's what I did. I feel asleep while praying for help from the Lord.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Message to Utah Governement about Same Sex Marraige
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As a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints:
I have a message to those government officials who are working so diligently to take away the happiness of others by stopping same sex marriage in Utah.
Please read this whole message and watch the video.
Even though I do not really consider myself as a liberal, I
feel that what the Utah government is doing here is very wrong. When the ruling for same sex marriages was
overturned I joined in the celebration and rejoiced with my gay brothers and
sisters. I saw so much relief and happiness that it made my heart feel
good. Who is it hurting? Really.
After all, a legal marriage certificate is an agreement of
two parties to join in a partnership where everything is shared and they
promise to take care of each other. Furthermore it gives the couple the
opportunity to take advantage of those tax breaks, and other things offered
only to married couples. What part of this is causing harm in any way to
others????
I as a Latter Day Saint to not embrace same sex marriage for myself
and my family, however, I do not feel that I have the right to force that
personal belief on others, nor do I have the right to condemn them in any way.
They, as US citizens have just as much right to their own peace of mind and
happiness as I do. This country was based on being one nation under God,
with all the freedoms including freedom of religion. When it comes down to it, this has to do with religion whether you want to admit it or not.
The Church has its own courts and leaders, if a member chooses to enter into same sex marraige, it becomes a matter with their bishop and themselves, and should stay within those confines.
The government should never have anything to do with it.
Keep the Government out of the bedroom! What goes on in the bedroom is between each individual and God, it
is none of my business, or is it anyone else’s. If someone wants to make it so to me, I have the right to ask them not to, simple as that….Freedom of Speech. But
no one has the right to judge, and there is no reason to try to get the law
involved. Laws are not supposed to be made to persecute or suppress others, laws are
supposed to protect the rights of citizens. The same laws that protect a man
and a woman’s rights to get legally married also protects the rights of a man
to marry a man and a woman to marry a woman… for that matter, if someone wanted
to marry their dog… they should be protected under that law in my opinion….
When you try to manipulate the laws to persecute and segregate, you stand the
chance of compromising the rights of all.
The division between church and state in the Constitution is
supposed to keep those in authority from pushing their religious beliefs on
others and taking away their right to chose there own.
I am LDS and I have a deep testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But I also know the history of the Saints, (my
ancestors) who suffered their rights taken away and happiness threatened by
persecution for exercising their desire to have plural marriage. The statehood of Utah was threatened and many good righteous men were put in jail. This happened
because those in power were of another religion that preached against plural
marriage, yet in the Saint’s hearts it was right and God ordained. How is it
now that those of the LDS religion who have power feel that it is ok for them
to do the same thing to others not of their religion? Is it revenge? Pride? what? well....It
sure isn’t what the Gospel teaches.
It is my opinion , you “Holier than thou” so called good Latter Day
Saints who are in power within the Utah Government are sending out the wrong
message about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to the world by
trying to take away the rights and happiness of US Citizens just because you
don’t believe in same sex marriage. The whole world is watching and , they know
you are “Mormons”. Mark my words; this will bring much miss-understanding and
persecution to the church in the future. What are we
going to do when those who hate us get into charge again and start putting laws
against our rights and beliefs? Think about what kind of world you are creating
for your children.
The late president Hinkley taught that we need to be
tolerant of others beliefs and cultures that are different than ours. I learned
from the teachings of Jesus Christ that we must live and let live, love one
another, do not judge one another, and set a good example.
When President Hinkley said stand for something, I do not believe that he meant to
shove it down their throats by taking away their right to their own happiness and possibly driving them out of their home if they wish to look for it else where….
Gee, does that sound familiar? The Saints had to treck across the country in
search for peace to live their beliefs. They were beaten, murdered, and suffered many hardships.
Latter Day Saints, look at your
history. Do unto others what you would want to be done to you…. not what they
did to you. Love and serve, not just each other, but, all of God's children, and be full of grace. By the way, the definition of Grace is to build up others
not to tear them down.
To see how the future generations are being taught, watch this video and understand that not knowing about the gospel when they grow to adulthood, will be hateful and hostile to the church because of how they treated the gay people in Utah. They will more readily join in persecuting and banning the church, plus be closed to listening to the good news of the gospel. Is this what we want?
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Inspiration about double standards
I have to share what is in my heart today. I've been reading Hosea in the Bible.
God chose Hosea to be His prophet to live out His message to His people by marrying an unfaithful woman. He allowed himself to become the laughing stock of Israel, having a wife he could not keep at home. While at that time immorality was a common thing throughout the people in Israel, yet, there still was the judgement that a loose woman was among the lowest of society. (sounds like today,s double standards).
Therefore, marriage to a known loose woman was a blaring mark against Hosea's reputation as a man of God. And to continue to pursue her when she freely and openly acted as a harlot was even more foolish. But the wisdom and ways of God always appear foolish to a dying generation don't they? Hosea's story of a rebellious and unrepentant wife was an example of the rebellious and unrepentant nation of Israel. He was enduring the same kind of heart sick pain that God was for his children who had turned away from Him.
Hosea ministered to the northern kingdom of Israel during the reign of Jeroboam II. By outward appearances, Israel was doing well. But just below the surface, spiritual and political unrest and anarchy were brewing. (sound familure?) The people continued to prosper and live in so-called peace, but were swiftly approaching total destruction in a short time. Eventually, the Assyrian army conquered Samaria, the weakened capital city of Israel, bringing the northern kingdom to its knees in 722 B.C. Hosea was the last prophet to speak to the condemned people of Israel, giving them one last opportunity to turn from their sins and turn back to God.
By the time of Hosea's ministry, the iniquities of the social and religious groups were out of control. The priests and religious leaders were corrupt, and families were structurally and morally dysfunctional. Many suffered from extreme poverty. The people had abandoned God and His laws. Idle worship, with altars erected on every hill and valley of Israel.
The main message that touched me is what Hosea must have suffered, because he really deeply loved his wife with the same unconditional love that the Lord has for his children. He quietly waited and suffered while she continually cheated on him. Then once she had gotten herself beaten and enslaved from her evil and selfish ways, Hosea calmly and lovingly paid her ransom with all he had, took her home and forgave her.
The kind of selfless unconditional love that Hosea showed to his wife, Gomer, was representative of the love God had for the people of Israel. And just as Hosea brought his wayward wife back to himself, so God brought the people of Israel back to Himself, though they never committed themselves to Him fully. God had continued to pursue them despite their obvious disdain for Him and His laws.
Jesus loves us with that same unconditional love, he gave all he had to pay our ransom and. All he asks is that we acknowledge and love and respect him by following his example of unconditional love for one another.
I have to close this in the Name of Jesus Christ... because I know that He led me to read this particular scripture to touch my heart tonight.
God chose Hosea to be His prophet to live out His message to His people by marrying an unfaithful woman. He allowed himself to become the laughing stock of Israel, having a wife he could not keep at home. While at that time immorality was a common thing throughout the people in Israel, yet, there still was the judgement that a loose woman was among the lowest of society. (sounds like today,s double standards).
Therefore, marriage to a known loose woman was a blaring mark against Hosea's reputation as a man of God. And to continue to pursue her when she freely and openly acted as a harlot was even more foolish. But the wisdom and ways of God always appear foolish to a dying generation don't they? Hosea's story of a rebellious and unrepentant wife was an example of the rebellious and unrepentant nation of Israel. He was enduring the same kind of heart sick pain that God was for his children who had turned away from Him.
Hosea ministered to the northern kingdom of Israel during the reign of Jeroboam II. By outward appearances, Israel was doing well. But just below the surface, spiritual and political unrest and anarchy were brewing. (sound familure?) The people continued to prosper and live in so-called peace, but were swiftly approaching total destruction in a short time. Eventually, the Assyrian army conquered Samaria, the weakened capital city of Israel, bringing the northern kingdom to its knees in 722 B.C. Hosea was the last prophet to speak to the condemned people of Israel, giving them one last opportunity to turn from their sins and turn back to God.
By the time of Hosea's ministry, the iniquities of the social and religious groups were out of control. The priests and religious leaders were corrupt, and families were structurally and morally dysfunctional. Many suffered from extreme poverty. The people had abandoned God and His laws. Idle worship, with altars erected on every hill and valley of Israel.
The main message that touched me is what Hosea must have suffered, because he really deeply loved his wife with the same unconditional love that the Lord has for his children. He quietly waited and suffered while she continually cheated on him. Then once she had gotten herself beaten and enslaved from her evil and selfish ways, Hosea calmly and lovingly paid her ransom with all he had, took her home and forgave her.
The kind of selfless unconditional love that Hosea showed to his wife, Gomer, was representative of the love God had for the people of Israel. And just as Hosea brought his wayward wife back to himself, so God brought the people of Israel back to Himself, though they never committed themselves to Him fully. God had continued to pursue them despite their obvious disdain for Him and His laws.
Jesus loves us with that same unconditional love, he gave all he had to pay our ransom and. All he asks is that we acknowledge and love and respect him by following his example of unconditional love for one another.
I have to close this in the Name of Jesus Christ... because I know that He led me to read this particular scripture to touch my heart tonight.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Nerve Make Up is Handed down from Mother to Daughter
My mother suffered
from depression and anxiety and her nerves were so bad from it, that she
developed a condition where she cried all the time whether she was happy or sad.
All emotion made her cry. As a child, this made me angry so I somewhat hard and
cruel when ever I was around her when she cried. I realize now that I have
suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child. Most adults just said
I was “over emotional” In fact, that is what my family said too. But I
thought they were all crazy, “I didn’t cry like my mother”. Except for the
problems in elementary school with bully's, I had a very stable and enjoyable
life. My parents never quarreled and I was well loved and excepted at
home. Then I met and fell in love with a
true manic-depressive....a musical and scientific genius... never-the-less very mentally unstable. I became his yo
yo, not knowing how to handle the ups and downs and the put ups and put-downs.
He committed suicide when I was 18years old and I felt responsible and angry at
the same time, I suppressed the feelings and found someone else,
got married and had a family. The stress of marrying into a family with much
different priorities and manners than I was ever used to, began to take its
toll on me over the years. My immunities were down and I began having anxiety attacks, crying
sessions, anger sessions; I didn’t know what was happening or how to handle my emotions. Then, when I found out that my marriage was
not what I thought it was, I had to face some realities, I really lost it. I went
into a total depression. The only thing that kept me from giving into suicide
is my love for my children and the knowledge that they needed me. I refused to take antidepressants because I
knew they would alter my mind and mess me up worse. I got older and I lost my Mother
to diabetes, then I was diagnosed with diabetes that same year, so after I
found I had diabetes, My doctors talked me into taking Zoloft, promising little to no side effects. I took Zoloft,
at first and it felt like it was working, it was taking my blood sugars down. But
then after a while I would forget to take one for a day. Not good…..
The kids would say
that I grew fangs and claws. The mood swings got worse and worse. I would get
so very irritable and depressed. I felt myself slipping into a terrible mode of
fear and anger and depression. I hated the feelings I was having but could not
figure out where they were coming from and could not shake the feelings. I
finally figured out that it was the Zoloft doing it. I met Bea Lydecker who is
an herbalist, and she sent me some herbs called Calmers. I found that they helped me get through the withdrawals
from Zoloft and worked better than Zoloft to get my blood sugars down. What I didn’t realize then is that I was also
eating a better diet….cutting out sugars, fried foods and heavy meats. I was
eating more vegetables, fruits and drinking water instead of soda. I lost 60lbs and was doing better. As I kept taking the vitamins, and eating
right the pain and depression left me. I
was doing much better. But then I moved from Oregon to Utah and started into my
old eating habits, quit loosing weight and my sugars started to climb. Pain
came back and a couple of weeks ago I went to my doctor and asked for pain
medication that will help me sleep and she prescribed Nortriptyline. I began taking it and it seemed to work, I
was sleeping better, however I didn’t take it every night, only a couple of
nights, then I started getting overwhelmed and irritable, the crying over
everything came back and I would have melt downs. I had one while, my daughters
were visiting… No wonder my kid’s think that I am crazy. Finally, after taking
it again for 3 nights in a row, I went one night without it.. It was terrible;
I couldn’t sleep for the pain and discomfort. The next day I was a wreck,
crying and letting everything said hurt me; I would dwell on the negative. I
had overwhelming feelings of despair, anger, and sadness. I knew I was acting
out and crying and making an idiot of myself but I couldn’t stop and I hated
myself for it. After arguing with my
partner and getting offended at everything he said, I went into the bedroom to
be alone and found myself wishing I were dead, and actually thinking of ways I
could just overdose and go to sleep.
Well here is where I
share a secret……. I had not prayed in a few days, I really hadn’t asked God for
any help with this. I hit rock bottom
sort of speak and I said a pleading prayer, just asking for help and what I
should do. After finishing with Amen, I remember thinking that I just need to
sleep. So I took a Nortriptyline and felt it was not working, I thought to take
a muscle relaxant to help and I tried to take this pill. I truly felt something
keep my hand from reaching my mouth with this pill. I thought, “Well I need to
do something” so I tried again and this time I got it into my mouth, only to
spit it back out. I don’t know why. But then I decided to look it up and make
sure of any reaction between the two drugs, thank goodness for the Internet,
(after all if my partner found me dead, it would just put him through hell and
I didn’t want to do that to him or the rest of my family), and it’s a good thing that I did, cause I
read that the mixture of these two drugs could be fatal and if nothing else
cause paralysis. Upon reading I also
found out to my dismay that Nortriptyline was not just for pain, that it is
indeed an antidepressant, the same as Prozac, and Zoloft. It said right on the
name that it could cause depression and suicidal tendencies. It all came
together for me; Now I know way I have always felt so strongly against
antidepressants. You can bet my doctor
is going to hear about this and I vow never to take an antidepressant
again! From now on I will find out what
nutrients and herbs and food I should eat and not eat in order to improve my
mental and physical health. I beg all my
children to do the same. Please, never
give in to taking any antidepressant! And don’t let the doctors foul you, do
your homework. You have a good mind, feed it, give it the nutrients it needs
and don’t starve yourself. Have faith because faith can move mountains! Pray,
stay close to Heavenly Father and the Spirit will give you knowledge. Knowledge is power.
Anthony Gucciardi
NaturalSociety
October 20, 2011
NaturalSociety
October 20, 2011
Despite evidence
linking popular antidepressants like Prozac
to suicide
more than 1 in 10 Americans over the age of 12 are now taking
antidepressants prescribed by their doctors. In fact, antidepressants are now
the most common drug among people aged 18 to 44, according to statistics from
the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for
Health Statistics. Even more notable is the fact that once prescribed,
individuals generally keep taking antidepressants for years. Over 60 percent of
patients prescribed antidepressants report taking them for more than 2 years,
and 14 percent for 10 years or more. This is unfortunate when the drugs meant
to help depression actually cause further depression.
Of course these
statistics are very troubling given the extreme side effects that go along
with antidepressants. You may not be aware of these side effects, as
pharmaceutical drug companies have tried their very best to keep them from
hitting the media. Shockingly, the makers of Prozac – Eli Lilly & Co.,
were able to hide the link
between Prozac and suicide for 15 years. Through denial and media
deception, Eli Lilly & Co. were able to keep Prozac dangers a secret
from the general public, choosing profits over deadly consequences.
This is what I have learned so far:
- Balm, also known as lemon balm, is good for the stomach and digestive organs during stressful situations. It is highly recommended for those who get sick stomach pain when upset or nervous.
- Ephedra (ma huang) may be helpful for lethargic depression
- (caution: Do not use this herb if you suffer from anxiety disorder, glaucoma, heart disease, high blood pressure, or insomnia, or if you are taking a monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitor drug.)
- Ginger, ginkgo biloba, licorice root, oat straw, peppermint , and Siberian ginsing may be helpful. (Caution: Do not use licorice on a daily basis for more than seven days in a row. Avoid it completely if you have high blood pressure, or a heart disorder.
- Kava kava helps to induce calm and relieve depression. (Caustion: This herb can cause drowsiness. If this occurs, discontinue use or reduce the dosage. Do not use kava kava if you are pregnant or nursing, or if you are taking antidepressants. Long –term use of kava kava may result in dry, scaly skin and yellowish discoloration of the hair and nails.
- St John’s wort acts in the same way as monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitor drugs do, but less harshly. (caution: Do not use this herb if you take prescription antidepressants or any medication that interacts with monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitor drugs. Use it with caution during pregnancy.
- What to eat and not to eat:
- Eat a diet that includes plenty of raw fruits and vegetables, with soybeans and soy products, whole grains, seeds, nuts brown rice, millet, and legumes. A diet to low in complex carbohydrates can cause serotonin depletion which brings on depression.
- If you are nervous and wish to become more relaxed, consume more complex carbohydrates. For increased alertness, eat protein meals containing essential fatty acids. Salmon and white fish are good choices. If you need your spirits lifted, you will benefit from eating foods like turkey and salmon, which are high in tryptophan and protein.
- Omit wheat products from the diet. Wheat gluten has been linked to depressive disorders.
- Avoid diet sodas and other products containing the artificial sweetener aspartame (NutraSweet, Equal). This additive can block the formation of serotonin and cause headaches, insomnia, and depression in individuals who are already serotonin-deprived.
- Limit our intake of supplements that contain the amino acid phenylalanine. It contains the chemical phenol, which is highly allergenic. Most depressed people allergic to certain substances. If you take a combination freeform amino acid supplement, look for a product that does not contain phenylalanine, such as that made by Ecological Formulas. Phenylalanine is one of the major components of aspartame.
- Avoid foods high in saturated fats; the consumption of meat or fried foods, such as hamburgers and fries, leads to sluggishness, slow thinking, and fatigue. They interfere with blood flow by causing the arteries and small blood vessels to become blocked and the blood cells to become sticky and tend to clump together, resulting in poor circulation, especially to the brain.
- Avoid all forms of sugar, including normally “good” sweeteners such as honey, molasses, and fruit juice. The body reacts more quickly to the presence of sugar than it does to the presence of complex carbohydrates. The increase in energy supplied by the simple carbohydrates (sugars) is quickly followed by fatigue and depression. Stevia, a concentrated natural sweetener derived from a South American shrub, does not have the same effect on the body as sugar, and does not have the side effects of artificial sugar substitutes.
- Avoid alcohol, caffeine, and processed foods.
- Investigate the possibility that food allergies are causing or contributing to depression.
- Keep your mind active, and get plenty of rest and regular exercise. Studies have shown that exercise‑ walking, swimming, or any activity that you enjoy – is most important for all types of depression. Avoid stressful situations.
- Learn to recognize, and then to “reroute,” negative thinking patterns. Keeping a daily log also can help you to recognize distorted thoughts and develop a more positive way of thinking.
- If you are suffering from situational depression – depression that occurs in response to an event such as in death of a loved one or the breakup of a relationship – try using Ignatia amara. This is a homeopathic remedy derived from a plant, Saint Ignatius bean, that helps control emotions during periods of extreme grief and hysteria.
- If depression is seasonal, light therapy may help. Exposure to the sun and bright light seem to regulate the body’s production of melatonin, a hormone produced by the pineal gland that is, in part, responsible for preventing the blues. Stay in brightly lit rooms on dark days. Keep all draperies, curtains, and blinds open and use full spectrum light and spend at least half an hour there each day.
- Depression can come from B-vitamin deficiencies or poor eating habits.
- Tyosine is needed for brain function. This amino acid is directly involved in the production of norepinephrine and dopamine, two vital neurotransmitters that are synthesized in the brain and the adrenal medulla. A lack of tyrosine can result in a deficiency of norepinephrine in certain sites in the brain, resulting in mood disorders such as depression. The side effects of stress may be prevented or reversed if this essential amino acid is obtained in the diet or by means of supplements. Mustard greens, beans, and spinach are good sources of tyrosine.
- Some preliminary studies show promise in using dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA)- a hormone naturally produced by the body- in the treatment of depression. In one study, nearly all patients taking DHEA for six weeks significantly improved, and about half of those were no longer considered clinically depressed.
- Selenium has been shown to elevate mood and decrease anxiety. These effects were more noticeable in people who had lower levels of selenium in their diets to begin with.
- Also regular exorcise and music has powerful effects on moods.
Well I hope this information helps you achieve a better
understanding of yourself and how you can keep yourself healthy and happy in
the future.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Fight Emotional Abuse
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If you say yes to more than 3 of these possible indicators of emotional abuse and neglect, please get some counseling and look to possibly getting out of your current relationship.
Possible Indicators of Emotional Abuse and Neglect
• depression
• withdrawal
• low self-esteem
• severe anxiety
• fearfulness
• feelings of shame and guilt
• frequent crying
• self-blame/self-depreciation
• overly passive/compliant
• social isolation
• substance abuse
• delay or refusal of medical treatment
• discomfort or nervousness
• avoidance of eye contact
• suicide attempts or discussion
• other forms of abuse present or suspected
What is Emotional Abuse?
There is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse. Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. The following are widely recognized as forms of emotional abuse: Rejecting - refusing to acknowledge a person's presence, value, or worth; communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior; devaluing her/his thoughts and feelings. Degrading - insulting, ridiculing, name calling, and imitating; behavior which diminishes the identity, dignity, and self-worth of the person. Examples: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labeling a person as stupid; mimicking a person's disability; treating a person as if she or he cannot make decisions. Terrorizing - inducing terror or extreme fear in a person; coercing by intimidation; placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment. Examples: threatening to leave, physically hurt or kill a person, pets or people she/he cares about; threatening to destroy a person's possessions; threatening to have a person deported or put in an institution; stalking. Isolating - physical confinement; restricting normal contact with others; limiting freedom within a person's own environment. Examples: excluding a person from participating in decisions about her or his own life; locking a person in a closet or room alone; refusing a female partner or senior access to her or his own money and financial affairs; withholding contact with grandchildren; depriving a person of mobility aids or transportation. Corrupting/Exploiting - socializing a person into accepting ideas or behavior which oppose legal standards; and using a person for advantage or profit. Denying Emotional Responsiveness - failing to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; interacting only when necessary; ignoring a person's mental health needs. • Emotional abuse accompanies other forms of abuse, but also may occur on its own. • No abuse -- neglect, physical, sexual or financial -- can occur without psychological consequences. Therefore, all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse. • Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. If left unchecked, abuse does not get better over time. It only gets worse. • Like other forms of violence in relationships, those who hold the least power and resources in society, for example, women and children, are most often emotionally abused. • Emotional abuse can severely damage a person's sense of self-worth and perception.
Emotional abuse is very real and in many cases the damages are much longer lasting and more devastating than physical abuse. Like me, many do not realize what is happening until it is too late. It has been a long and hard journey and it is still a battle, but.......
Today, I know I deserve to be loved and acknowledge for who I am. I am amazing!
If you say yes to more than 3 of these possible indicators of emotional abuse and neglect, please get some counseling and look to possibly getting out of your current relationship.
Possible Indicators of Emotional Abuse and Neglect
• depression
• withdrawal
• low self-esteem
• severe anxiety
• fearfulness
• feelings of shame and guilt
• frequent crying
• self-blame/self-depreciation
• overly passive/compliant
• social isolation
• substance abuse
• delay or refusal of medical treatment
• discomfort or nervousness
• avoidance of eye contact
• suicide attempts or discussion
• other forms of abuse present or suspected
What is Emotional Abuse?
There is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse. Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. The following are widely recognized as forms of emotional abuse: Rejecting - refusing to acknowledge a person's presence, value, or worth; communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior; devaluing her/his thoughts and feelings. Degrading - insulting, ridiculing, name calling, and imitating; behavior which diminishes the identity, dignity, and self-worth of the person. Examples: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labeling a person as stupid; mimicking a person's disability; treating a person as if she or he cannot make decisions. Terrorizing - inducing terror or extreme fear in a person; coercing by intimidation; placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment. Examples: threatening to leave, physically hurt or kill a person, pets or people she/he cares about; threatening to destroy a person's possessions; threatening to have a person deported or put in an institution; stalking. Isolating - physical confinement; restricting normal contact with others; limiting freedom within a person's own environment. Examples: excluding a person from participating in decisions about her or his own life; locking a person in a closet or room alone; refusing a female partner or senior access to her or his own money and financial affairs; withholding contact with grandchildren; depriving a person of mobility aids or transportation. Corrupting/Exploiting - socializing a person into accepting ideas or behavior which oppose legal standards; and using a person for advantage or profit. Denying Emotional Responsiveness - failing to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; interacting only when necessary; ignoring a person's mental health needs. • Emotional abuse accompanies other forms of abuse, but also may occur on its own. • No abuse -- neglect, physical, sexual or financial -- can occur without psychological consequences. Therefore, all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse. • Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. If left unchecked, abuse does not get better over time. It only gets worse. • Like other forms of violence in relationships, those who hold the least power and resources in society, for example, women and children, are most often emotionally abused. • Emotional abuse can severely damage a person's sense of self-worth and perception.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Emotional abuse is not OK
There comes a time in every person's life when he or she has to decide if God means what He says, as recorded in the Bible, or if we can decide for ourselves what God really meant to say when He spoke. Can we believe what the Bible says, or do we get to make it say what we think God probably meant, as it seems right to us?
If you have not yet come to that time in your life, you should now.
So, what do I mean when I say, "Woman is the crowning glory of all God's creation"? I mean exactly what God has said, as recorded in the following verse:
"For a man ... is the image and glory of God; but the woman
is the glory of man." ( I Corinthians 11:7)
God created woman from Adam, from life. Everything else He created including Adam was out of dirt, water, and other ingredients. He created life out of nothing. Yet Eve, was special, she was created out of Adam and then given to him as the crowning glory. Therefore God expects women to be respected and honored, cherished and loved by men. Which in turn deserves honor, respect, and love from the woman. Women have greater capabilities to love and nurture, which is why only women can become mothers. Why doesn't God mention our Heavenly Mother anywhere in the scriptures? Surely not because she doesn't exist, But because He knew in man's immaturity that he would blasmn and crucify Gods name, and he couldn't bare that to happen to her. She is cherished and protected.
Now, that being said: I want people to read this and honestly ask themselves "Am I being emotionally abused or am I being abusive to others, to my partner?
An abusive partner will railroad discussions, so that you don't have time to think about what's right and what's wrong in their behavior. Since I am a woman who has been a victim of emotional abuse will tend to assume the man is the abuser in relationships. However, I do acknowledge that there are women who become emotional abusers as well. In fact in many cases men who grow up to be emotional abusers to their partners were usually victims of emotional and/or physical abuse by their mothers.
Take a moment to consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it's obvious that they aren't okay...:
Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?
Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?
Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?
Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?
Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?
Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?
Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?
Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?
Are you afraid of your partner?
One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.
Abusers usually are very selfish and self centered. They brainwash others into being control ed to serve as properties owned by the abuser.
THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)
1. The brain washer keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.
Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.
2. The brain washer controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brain washer.
Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities. You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends. Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.
3. The brain washer creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.
Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.
4. The brain washer works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.
Your partner trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave. He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself.
5. The brain washer puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.
In other words -- What he says, goes.
COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS
(adapted)
* He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in his own family.
* He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments.
* Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to control their mates.
* His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's dependency upon him. He feels like a man only if his partner is totally submissive and dependent on him.
* Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Their primary, if not exclusive, relationship is with their wife/girlfriend.
* He has low self-esteem.
* He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership) and will not compromise. He expects her to behave according to his expectations of what a wife should be like; often the way his parents' marriage was, or its opposite. He demands that she change to accommodate his expectations.
* He has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He would not be drunk if she didn't nag him so much. He wouldn't get angry if only she would do what she's supposed to do. He denies the need for counseling because there's nothing wrong with him. Or he agrees to get counseling and then avoids it or makes excuses to not follow through. He might not want her to get counseling because, he reasons, she wouldn't have any problems if she only turned to him.
* He may be described as having a dual personality -- he is either charming or exceptionally cruel. He is selfish or generous depending on his mood.
* A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. He can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a con man.
* The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn't relate to his partner as a person in her own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when he's angry. He assumes that she is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other -- often his mother.
EFFECTS
OF LONG-TERM EMOTIONAL & VERBAL ABUSE
ON THE VICTIM
Isolation from others - Low self-esteem - Depression - Emotional problems - Illness - Increased alcohol or drug use - Withdrawal from real life into an Internet alternative reality
addendum:
I've seen variations of the below text on MySpace. It wasn't written specifically about this problem, but it struck me as a fairly accurate description of how impossible it is to interact with an emotional abuser. (Damned if you do, damned if you don't.)
If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.
If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway.
If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy.
If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful.
If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over.
If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you.
If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut.
If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad.
When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him.
If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it.
If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him,
If you don't, he says you don't trust him.
If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're bitching.
If he brings up a problem, he yells.
If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted".
If he breaks it, it's because "he had to".
If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you.
If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.
The 7 mistakes victims make:
1) Turning a blind eye to his first unacceptable temper tantrums. You say that you do that because you love him. He interprets your acceptance as collusion. In his eyes, you have given him clear proof that you area doormat.
2) Trying over and over again to make the abusive relationship work. When an abusive partner has told you, either in words or actions, 3, or 4, or 5 times, that he does not value you or the relationship, you have to believe it. He is offering you his mission statement. Time to head for the hills.
3) Making excuses for him. Why would feel obliged to improve his behaviour when you are willing to excuse him? Your excuses give him carte blanche to carry on behaving as badly, or worse, than he has done in the past.
4) Feeling responsible for him. The time comes when you say; "I've had enough. It's over." He's foreseen that day, and he's ready. He turns on the crocodile tears. He tells you that he can't live without you. It's taken this for him to discover how much he loves you. From now on, he will be a good boy. But he does need you to help him. You agree, and he's back on track. Once again, he has got you to carry him. Will he change? No.
5) Minimizing. He behaves like a heel, and you know it. But you tell yourself: "He had a difficult childhood." "He's had a hard time at work - or being out of work." "It's just the drink talking." Bad behaviour is still bad behaviour. He has no right to dump on you - until you let him.
6) Covering up. Your relationship is ghastly. But you don't want the world to know. So you put on a brave face. That's collusion. Once again, you are giving him permission to behave as badly as he wants. Because it will all stay behind closed doors. In fact, while you are playing Loyal Little Woman, he can be out spreading poison about you. If you change your tune, who do you think will be believed?
7) Believing in fairy tales. Of course, you don't consciously believe in fairy tales: you are a grown woman not a little girl, after all. But, unconsciously, you're still stuck acting out Beauty and the Beast. I don't know whether you met the Handsome Prince, or the Beast, first off. I do know who you are living with. Every last petal has dropped off that rose, the only time the crockery and cutlery dance is when he gets angry, and the Beast is still a Beast. That's all he will ever be. Time to get real. And, if some other naïve woman, wants to play Beauty and the Beast with him, good luck to her. Reality is not like fairy tales. One key difference to bear in mind: in the real world, when you first get together with someone, they are on their best behaviour, they wear their most attractive mask. With abusers it is all one way from there: downhill. The behaviour degenerates, the mask drops, the result is a whole load of misery for you. Period.
The real mistakes that women make in abusive relationships have nothing to do with faults or inadequacies. They are all about being too willing to carry on believing the best of someone who is trying very hard to show you just what a jerk he is. Abusive men don't give you too many gifts. Showing you just how unpleasant and callous they can be is the best gift you can have in a lousy situation. Accept it graciously, before your abusive partner keeps slamming it into your face. And move on.
One thing they never tell you in fairy stories is that the beautiful maiden doesn't actually need a man to be happy. She just thinks she does. But when she learns to be truly happy by herself, and for herself, she will attract a much better class of man than a Beast/Prince.
An emotional abuser will seem to encourage his partner to grow, to develop new skills and expand her horizons, but then will do things to impede or prevent that progress. He will mope and sigh about how little time she has for him now that she is working more or taking that course, or back in school. Or, he will "encourage" her to advance herself, but refuse to provide any additional assistance around the house/family to ease her workload, effectively making it impossible for her to take that course or job. If he DOES provide assistance, he will let her know how HARD it is for him, and how MUCH he is doing for her, every step of the way... he will play the "sad puppy" to the hilt, trying to get her to feel guilty for the burdens she has put on him.
An Emotional abuser will try to make his partner responsible for his happiness. Either through direct comments, or indirect implications, the abuser will let his partner know that he is not happy, that it is somehow her fault, and that she must fix it. The problem is, no matter what she does, it will never be enough, and it won't ultimately make him happy.
The abuser may take this behavior to an extreme, insisting that he is the best partner or relationship she will ever have, the only one who can truly love her (despite all her faults!), and that if she doesn't live up to his expectations, he will leave the relationship. Since abuse is really about control, the abuser knows he can have the upper hand in the relationship if he can keep her uncertain and insecure.
Emotional abusers overcompensate for their self-hate with a warped kind of narcissism. They genuinely believe that YOU SHOULD know how they feel, and know what to do to make them happy. AND that you should be willing to do those things without having to be asked or told. They believe that they DESERVE to be treated better, to be put first, to be given preferential treatment. He will expect you to read his mind. He lives by the "if you really loved me, you'd KNOW how I feel" game, and of course will punish you for not being telepathic. If confronted with the unreasonable nature of this behavior, the abuser will blame his partner for his lack of communication - it will always be her fault that he couldn't tell her what he needed or wanted. He will project HIS behavior on her, and insist that he couldn't talk to her about what was bothering him because she was too intense, or critical, or angry, or judgemental, or needy. Don't buy it. Those are HIS issues. Not yours.
And speaking of narcissism, the emotional abuser will be envious and resentful if YOU get more attention than HE does in a social setting. He will likely punish you for it by one of any number of techniques: ignoring you, sulking, disappearing for hours, flirting heavily with someone else, or leaving the party or function without notifying you.
Emotional abusers expect the rest of the household to live by their waking, sleeping and eating schedules. If his schedule is interrupted or disturbed, or if the partner chooses not to follow the same patterns, the abuser feels justified in "punishing" the offender. This can include the full battery of emotional abuse and passive-aggressive tactics - because in the abuser's mind, the partner or household member "deserves" it for not caring enough about him to live by his schedules and activity calendar.
for full artical visit this website:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml
If you have not yet come to that time in your life, you should now.
So, what do I mean when I say, "Woman is the crowning glory of all God's creation"? I mean exactly what God has said, as recorded in the following verse:
"For a man ... is the image and glory of God; but the woman
is the glory of man." ( I Corinthians 11:7)
God created woman from Adam, from life. Everything else He created including Adam was out of dirt, water, and other ingredients. He created life out of nothing. Yet Eve, was special, she was created out of Adam and then given to him as the crowning glory. Therefore God expects women to be respected and honored, cherished and loved by men. Which in turn deserves honor, respect, and love from the woman. Women have greater capabilities to love and nurture, which is why only women can become mothers. Why doesn't God mention our Heavenly Mother anywhere in the scriptures? Surely not because she doesn't exist, But because He knew in man's immaturity that he would blasmn and crucify Gods name, and he couldn't bare that to happen to her. She is cherished and protected.
Now, that being said: I want people to read this and honestly ask themselves "Am I being emotionally abused or am I being abusive to others, to my partner?
An abusive partner will railroad discussions, so that you don't have time to think about what's right and what's wrong in their behavior. Since I am a woman who has been a victim of emotional abuse will tend to assume the man is the abuser in relationships. However, I do acknowledge that there are women who become emotional abusers as well. In fact in many cases men who grow up to be emotional abusers to their partners were usually victims of emotional and/or physical abuse by their mothers.
Take a moment to consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it's obvious that they aren't okay...:
Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?
Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?
Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?
Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?
Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?
Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?
Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?
Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?
Are you afraid of your partner?
One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.
Abusers usually are very selfish and self centered. They brainwash others into being control ed to serve as properties owned by the abuser.
THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)
1. The brain washer keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.
Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.
2. The brain washer controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brain washer.
Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities. You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends. Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.
3. The brain washer creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.
Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.
4. The brain washer works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.
Your partner trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave. He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself.
5. The brain washer puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.
In other words -- What he says, goes.
COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS
(adapted)
* He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in his own family.
* He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments.
* Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to control their mates.
* His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's dependency upon him. He feels like a man only if his partner is totally submissive and dependent on him.
* Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Their primary, if not exclusive, relationship is with their wife/girlfriend.
* He has low self-esteem.
* He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership) and will not compromise. He expects her to behave according to his expectations of what a wife should be like; often the way his parents' marriage was, or its opposite. He demands that she change to accommodate his expectations.
* He has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He would not be drunk if she didn't nag him so much. He wouldn't get angry if only she would do what she's supposed to do. He denies the need for counseling because there's nothing wrong with him. Or he agrees to get counseling and then avoids it or makes excuses to not follow through. He might not want her to get counseling because, he reasons, she wouldn't have any problems if she only turned to him.
* He may be described as having a dual personality -- he is either charming or exceptionally cruel. He is selfish or generous depending on his mood.
* A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. He can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a con man.
* The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn't relate to his partner as a person in her own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when he's angry. He assumes that she is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other -- often his mother.
EFFECTS
OF LONG-TERM EMOTIONAL & VERBAL ABUSE
ON THE VICTIM
Isolation from others - Low self-esteem - Depression - Emotional problems - Illness - Increased alcohol or drug use - Withdrawal from real life into an Internet alternative reality
addendum:
I've seen variations of the below text on MySpace. It wasn't written specifically about this problem, but it struck me as a fairly accurate description of how impossible it is to interact with an emotional abuser. (Damned if you do, damned if you don't.)
If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.
If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway.
If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy.
If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful.
If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over.
If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you.
If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut.
If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad.
When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him.
If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it.
If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him,
If you don't, he says you don't trust him.
If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're bitching.
If he brings up a problem, he yells.
If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted".
If he breaks it, it's because "he had to".
If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you.
If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.
The 7 mistakes victims make:
1) Turning a blind eye to his first unacceptable temper tantrums. You say that you do that because you love him. He interprets your acceptance as collusion. In his eyes, you have given him clear proof that you area doormat.
2) Trying over and over again to make the abusive relationship work. When an abusive partner has told you, either in words or actions, 3, or 4, or 5 times, that he does not value you or the relationship, you have to believe it. He is offering you his mission statement. Time to head for the hills.
3) Making excuses for him. Why would feel obliged to improve his behaviour when you are willing to excuse him? Your excuses give him carte blanche to carry on behaving as badly, or worse, than he has done in the past.
4) Feeling responsible for him. The time comes when you say; "I've had enough. It's over." He's foreseen that day, and he's ready. He turns on the crocodile tears. He tells you that he can't live without you. It's taken this for him to discover how much he loves you. From now on, he will be a good boy. But he does need you to help him. You agree, and he's back on track. Once again, he has got you to carry him. Will he change? No.
5) Minimizing. He behaves like a heel, and you know it. But you tell yourself: "He had a difficult childhood." "He's had a hard time at work - or being out of work." "It's just the drink talking." Bad behaviour is still bad behaviour. He has no right to dump on you - until you let him.
6) Covering up. Your relationship is ghastly. But you don't want the world to know. So you put on a brave face. That's collusion. Once again, you are giving him permission to behave as badly as he wants. Because it will all stay behind closed doors. In fact, while you are playing Loyal Little Woman, he can be out spreading poison about you. If you change your tune, who do you think will be believed?
7) Believing in fairy tales. Of course, you don't consciously believe in fairy tales: you are a grown woman not a little girl, after all. But, unconsciously, you're still stuck acting out Beauty and the Beast. I don't know whether you met the Handsome Prince, or the Beast, first off. I do know who you are living with. Every last petal has dropped off that rose, the only time the crockery and cutlery dance is when he gets angry, and the Beast is still a Beast. That's all he will ever be. Time to get real. And, if some other naïve woman, wants to play Beauty and the Beast with him, good luck to her. Reality is not like fairy tales. One key difference to bear in mind: in the real world, when you first get together with someone, they are on their best behaviour, they wear their most attractive mask. With abusers it is all one way from there: downhill. The behaviour degenerates, the mask drops, the result is a whole load of misery for you. Period.
The real mistakes that women make in abusive relationships have nothing to do with faults or inadequacies. They are all about being too willing to carry on believing the best of someone who is trying very hard to show you just what a jerk he is. Abusive men don't give you too many gifts. Showing you just how unpleasant and callous they can be is the best gift you can have in a lousy situation. Accept it graciously, before your abusive partner keeps slamming it into your face. And move on.
One thing they never tell you in fairy stories is that the beautiful maiden doesn't actually need a man to be happy. She just thinks she does. But when she learns to be truly happy by herself, and for herself, she will attract a much better class of man than a Beast/Prince.
An emotional abuser will seem to encourage his partner to grow, to develop new skills and expand her horizons, but then will do things to impede or prevent that progress. He will mope and sigh about how little time she has for him now that she is working more or taking that course, or back in school. Or, he will "encourage" her to advance herself, but refuse to provide any additional assistance around the house/family to ease her workload, effectively making it impossible for her to take that course or job. If he DOES provide assistance, he will let her know how HARD it is for him, and how MUCH he is doing for her, every step of the way... he will play the "sad puppy" to the hilt, trying to get her to feel guilty for the burdens she has put on him.
An Emotional abuser will try to make his partner responsible for his happiness. Either through direct comments, or indirect implications, the abuser will let his partner know that he is not happy, that it is somehow her fault, and that she must fix it. The problem is, no matter what she does, it will never be enough, and it won't ultimately make him happy.
The abuser may take this behavior to an extreme, insisting that he is the best partner or relationship she will ever have, the only one who can truly love her (despite all her faults!), and that if she doesn't live up to his expectations, he will leave the relationship. Since abuse is really about control, the abuser knows he can have the upper hand in the relationship if he can keep her uncertain and insecure.
Emotional abusers overcompensate for their self-hate with a warped kind of narcissism. They genuinely believe that YOU SHOULD know how they feel, and know what to do to make them happy. AND that you should be willing to do those things without having to be asked or told. They believe that they DESERVE to be treated better, to be put first, to be given preferential treatment. He will expect you to read his mind. He lives by the "if you really loved me, you'd KNOW how I feel" game, and of course will punish you for not being telepathic. If confronted with the unreasonable nature of this behavior, the abuser will blame his partner for his lack of communication - it will always be her fault that he couldn't tell her what he needed or wanted. He will project HIS behavior on her, and insist that he couldn't talk to her about what was bothering him because she was too intense, or critical, or angry, or judgemental, or needy. Don't buy it. Those are HIS issues. Not yours.
And speaking of narcissism, the emotional abuser will be envious and resentful if YOU get more attention than HE does in a social setting. He will likely punish you for it by one of any number of techniques: ignoring you, sulking, disappearing for hours, flirting heavily with someone else, or leaving the party or function without notifying you.
Emotional abusers expect the rest of the household to live by their waking, sleeping and eating schedules. If his schedule is interrupted or disturbed, or if the partner chooses not to follow the same patterns, the abuser feels justified in "punishing" the offender. This can include the full battery of emotional abuse and passive-aggressive tactics - because in the abuser's mind, the partner or household member "deserves" it for not caring enough about him to live by his schedules and activity calendar.
for full artical visit this website:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml
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